Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just puked most of my soul out..
tell me about the eggs
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
