Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
