Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the day after is always just damage control
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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