Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
