giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
