Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
