I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
