i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
