just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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