my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
