considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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