It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
