I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She's the barista slut.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
