note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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