i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
