even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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