I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
