So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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