from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
