I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
