what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
