he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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