Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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