Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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