Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
