I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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