She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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