remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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