I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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