I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize