Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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