So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
