This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
