Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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