I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
