Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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