He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize