I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
