Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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