what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize