I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
