I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
