Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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