i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
