Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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