I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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