"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
