worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
