too bad you live with your parents still
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize