You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
