I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
