Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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