i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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