Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
