Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
