Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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