My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
