I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize