I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
