Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
