Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
