Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
