physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
