I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
