I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
