You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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