I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
