i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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