need another drink. this is the easiest way
we're chasing vodka with high fives
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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