i just had sex bonerless
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
