guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
