If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
