I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There r osticjed everywhere
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
