I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
