Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Are we still banned from the library?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
