i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
