i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
