seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
