I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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