So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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