We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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