I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
