he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We need a shit load of segways right now
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
