So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
