Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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