dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
