he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
