if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
