You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have fence marks all over my body
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
