it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
