can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
