She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
