I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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