Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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