"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize