You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
