let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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