i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
