what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
