I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
